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Returning to God, The Source of Inner Joy

Repentance is an opening up of the heart so it can accept the joyful Kingdom of God; it is the exercise of a son or a daughter who longs to enter into the new depths of his/her heavenly Father’s bosom; it is a renewal of the inner man as he/she longs to reach the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Epistle to Ephesians 4:13). Indeed, repentance is a renouncing of sins that prevail in the darkness, and the bonding to the divine Light, the Grantor of victory.

As for confession, it cannot be separated from true inner repentance. They both work together to fulfill the commandment of the apostle to “…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Epistle to Philippians 2:12).

Our Lord Jesus Christ has always honored man; for He has never separated Himself from His Church, rather He considered it His Holy Body. His honoring of man lives on, by granting His forgiveness by His Holy Spirit by way of His disciples. He told His disciple, Peter, “And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My Church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 16:18, 19).

Note that this promise came after declaring that the Church will prevail against hell, for this promise was given for the Church to bind and loose according to the will of God and His Gospel, and within God’s love and righteousness. This promise was not given broadly to every believer. If that was our Lord’s intention then Christ, the Lord, would have given it during one of His public homilies, like the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7).

Not also that He gave this gift again to His disciples in the upper room – not as an absolute power and authority – but to use it through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Just before He made this promise through them: “He breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit” ( John 20:22).

Through repentance and confession our inner eyes are opened to realize that both of them are one sacrament – a sacrament for the preparation for the heavenly nuptial. We can then behold God the Father rushing toward us to hold us in His bosom; and we would behold God the Son accepting us as a heavenly Bride for Himself; while God the Holy Spirit makes us more beautiful to become an icon of the heavenly Groom.

Repentance and confession are a love offering of the soul before God, where man experiences the crucifixion of his lusts and fondness of the world, and seeks a provisional glory, through our Lord Jesus Christ. Then, he would be able to ascend with Him to the heavens.

THANKSGIVING AND BLAMING OURSELVES

Note that in our prayers we always start with the Prayer of Thanksgiving, followed by the Psalm of Repentance; suggesting that it is proper for us to thank God for all that He has given us, before we confess – so that we would not be ungrateful. It is proper for the faithful to give an offering of thanks to God for His unconditional love and His constant work in our lives. Thanksgiving is offered in the anticipation of a renewed and positive revival of one’s life with the help of the priest, as if the sins that were corrupting his insides were simply thrown away.

How Do I Repent? How Do I Confess? What Should I Say?

You might wonder, “I practiced repentance and confession for over ten years now, and I’m repeating the same words over and over again. I don’t feel any progress. How should I truly repent and grow closer and closer to God? How should I truly confess?

Many people believe that Confession is a mere confession before God and the priest that they have sinned. This idea represents an incomplete concept of the sacrament and ignores its other positive aspects. Repentance and confession are not a strict enumeration of one’s sins before God and the priest; neither are they a mere reappraisal of the mind that is sick of its previous evils and habits. Repentance and Confession are also not mere regrets over a particular sin; or are they a means of soothing one’s conscience; or are they akin to a session with a psychologist or a social worker. Practically, when we repent and confess (whether in private or before a priest) we should not focus our attention completely on our sins, but more on the Holy Trinity, in order to enjoy the divine Love. 

Consider also the following scenario. A mother asked her five-year-old child to confess, the child began to cry as if she was going to be punished. The priest then asked the child, “Do you love Jesus?” The little child answered, “Yes.” He replied, “There you have just confessed!” The little girl hugged her mother joyfully who then said, “Do you know what confession is? It is confessing our love for Jesus Christ, our Lord!” If we follow this example, we can foster love and devotion for our Lord Jesus Christ in our children, and they will focus on the Person of Christ, the Lover of mankind, the Forgiver of sins, and our hearts’ Source of all joy. Gradually, one would then start to confess his weaknesses, while trusting in God’s love for all sinners.

St. Augustine and St. John Chrysostom explained that Confession has two elements: 1) confessing that God is Good, the Forgiver of sins and the Lover of mankind, and 2) confessing our weaknesses while trusting in the richness of God’s grace which covers our sins. The Psalmist says: “Praise the Lord… for His merciful kindness is great toward us, and the truth of the Lord endures forever” (Psalm 117:1, 2). The following are some general guidelines to help in repenting and confession more effectively:

1) One should dedicate some quiet time to read the Holy Bible with a prayerful spirit – requesting the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. We are not to count our sins, but to discover their hideousness and to realize the wondrous work of the divine Grace, so that we would grieve and moan – yet enjoy peace and consolation.

2) One should always exercise repentance with confession, for they are inseparable.

3) Your relationship with your father of confession should be of a loving familiarity, yet be bonded with the fear of God. The moments of confession are moments at the feet of the Crucified, where both of you would enjoy His wondrous work. Note also, that with every confessor, the father of confession experiences a new start for his own personal life as well.

4) Don’t put it in your heart the need to hide anything during your confession, knowing that there is no need for the details that had tempted you to sin. Many girls have told me that they feel afraid when they are about to go confess and are tempted to not offer a full confession. I asked them: “How would you feel on your wedding day in the midst of the stress of getting ready for that moment to prepare to meet your groom? Surely, at that moment, your feelings of unique and utter joy and happiness are unmatched!” Likewise when we confess; we approach the Spirit of God so He can wash us and make us beautiful for our wedding – our union with God. Oh, what a happy and delightful moment!

5) Offer a thankful prayer to God, the Grantor of gifts, and the Forgiver of sins, before and after your confession. You should realize that when you repent and confess, you are supported by the Holy Spirit of God Who works within you; thus start by thanking God for what He has already given you. Do not deny what He has done for you and with you. Remember that He granted you sweet times of prayer, a realization of the mystery of His word, sharing in His features, and a chance to return back to Him. After thanksgiving, start asking for help with your weaknesses with the spirit of hope and trust in God’s work.

6) Don’t make a routine out of merely enumerate your innumerable sins; rather let your confession reveal your deepest heart’s desire that longs for its heavenly Groom. Ask for the workings of the Holy Spirit, the Grantor of forgiveness, to grant you a spirit of glory, strength, power, and royalty to realize the truth about your soul as a bride, as a heavenly queen, that dwells to the right of the heavenly King of kings. Several times I have asked young people, “What is the most significant sin in your confession?” Most of the answers of the Egyptian youth pertain to evil thoughts; while the American I found that it was frequently regarding lying! The young man in Egypt feels that he has a malicious fight against lustful and evil thoughts, while the American is usually occupied with his struggle against lying – the worst sin that he cannot tolerate. In my opinion, the worst sin that we should consider is not realizing our mission as we properly should. In other words, we, being ambassadors of Christ in this world, do not carry ourselves as agents for God – neither inside ourselves nor amongst our brethren! I remember when I was still a student, the counselor responsible for the youth used to tell us, “Don’t ask from God to be anything less than being His icon!”

CAN’T I JUST REPENT AND NOT CONFESS?

  1. Confession keeps us Safe from Pride
    • St. Augustine, who lived many years fighting against lusts, believed that the basis for the question of whether to confess to another was really human pride. As it is rather easy for man to secretly confess his sins so as not be exposed; but when he is stricken by a physical illness, he exposes his body before the doctor hoping that he would cure him!
  2. True Confession breaks the Power of Sin
    • Sin lives and rules in the dark, for it cannot stand the light. Thus, the believer must experience the shining of the Sun of Righteousness upon him by being completely honest with himself and with his father of confession under the supervision of the Holy Spirit. It was said of St. Pachomius that a certain extremely righteous monk was having a fierce fight against hunger. This monk used to take a loaf of bread every day from the common table and hide it to eat later. He used to cry out bitterly to the Lord about this wrong doing. Then, he heard St. Pachomius talk with some hermits about how the devil sometimes fights the righteous people with sins that they never had committed in their youth, which makes them ashamed to confess them, and then they choose to conceal them. When the righteous monk heard that, he confessed his sin with great shame and broken-heart. His father of confession told him, “The minute you humbly confessed your sin, you were set free from its captivity. Today you have conquered your enemy!” Indeed, the war was lifted from him. The devil resembles an evil person trying to trick a simple girl, asking her not to tell her father about what he told her (to keep the deception hidden), and so she would remain deceived by the devil’s sweet and tender words! Sin is like a dark cloud; once it rains, it fades away. It is like a group of scorpions hiding to breed under a stone; but once the stone is lifted, they would run away at once.
  3. Confession keeps the Spirit of discipleship and the Unity of the Church
    • Furthermore, confession keeps alive the biblical spirit of the Church; for example: living the life of obedience, and of humility, etc. It is highly likely that the absence of the sacrament of confession in the non-apostolic churches has caused the appearance of new faiths every day, despite all the great efforts exerted and the immense costs paid to unify the church.
  4. The Holy Bible calls us to Repent and Confess
    • The Holy Bible does not differentiate between repentance and confession. What you confess before the priest, you actually confess before God himself. And this confession is an extension of the continuous life of repentance that you exercise in your room, at work, and even during sleep, for repentance is an endless life experience!

The following are some Bible references for Confession:

  • When Saul of Tarsus experienced a personal meeting with the heavenly Christ, the Lord, he was committed by a divine order to go see Ananias, the priest, in Damascus to get baptized (Acts 9). When God Himself appeared to him, Saul asked Him, “Lord, what do You want me to do?” (Acts 9:6) God didn’t tell him, “Believe in Me, and you will be delivered,” rather He told him, “Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”
  • The apostle James told us to, “Confess your trespasses to one another” ( James 5:16). The apostle didn’t mean that the person at fault should confess his trespasses to the one he wronged, or to any other believer. He underscores the importance of confession when he continues, “that you may be healed.” It is obvious then, that the sick person should confess before the priests to obtain God’s forgiveness, which is the healing of the soul, as well as the healing of the body.
  • St. John wanted to underscore the importance of confession even amongst the disciples when he said, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us” (1 John 1:9, 10).
  • It is mentioned in the Book of Acts that those, who accepted the faith in Christ, had come to confess their sins (Acts 19:18).

We wouldn’t enjoy the spiritual depth and the declaration of God’s grace and mercies evidenced in the Book of the Psalms if David the Prophet had not exercised repentance and confession. For all night he had filed his bed and couch with his tears of repentance, confessing before the Lord. Finally, His prophet, Nathan, told him: “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die” (2 Samuel 12:13). Nathan said this through a divine authority, as no creation has the right to say these words unless given the right by God Himself. David also confessed his sins publicly through the Psalms of repentance, which became an integral part of our prayers, and through which all believers exercise the sacrament of repentance and confession, realizing the rich outpouring of God’s gifts. The trespasser used to offer certain burnt offerings before the priest in the presence of God to confess his sins. The believers exercised confession even in the days of John the Baptist, for it was said, “They were all baptized of him in the Jordan River, confessing their sins” (Mark 1:5).

The wise Solomon inherited his father’s experience, who said, “When I kept silence, my bones grew old. Through my groaning all the daylong” (Psalm 32:3), and thus said, “He who covers his sins will not prosper” (Proverbs 28:13). During the spiritual revolution led by Nehemiah, repentance was joined with confession, as it was said that they “stood and confessed their sins” (Nehemiah 9:2).

QUESTIONS REGARDING CONFESSION

  1. I confess certain sins, but I do them again. What should I do?
    • Many times we are inspired to make well intentioned promises during our confessions, but we fail to adhere to our commitment. This shortfall is often due to the fact that we overlook the sacrament of repentance. It is not the mere promises of not returning to our sins that will distance us from them, but rather a decision to change course – where the Spirit of God will guide you toward the Father so that you could turn your back on the world and its lusts. You would then focus your attention on God instead of the world. He would become your priority above everything else. Who can change my course but the Spirit of the Lord Himself?! Don’t be afraid of falling, because with every time you pick yourself up again, you will enjoy a new spiritual growth and a new cycle for your struggle against sin. However, beware of slowing down, and of not resisting the causes of sin. When you fall and rise, give a thanksgiving offering to God, who revealed your weakness to you.
  2. Is the will of God in what my father of confession says?
    • If a humble spirit of prayer exists, then God will speak through him.
    • Discuss matters with your father of confession, for God asks you to have a dialogue with him. Don’t be embarrassed of being completely honest with him if you didn’t like his opinion. You should converse with him with a strong spirit, with kindness and love.
    • Your father of confession does not have the right to give you advice that opposes biblical commandments, for God dwells above all; thus, obey him in the Lord!
  3. I committed some mistakes during my youth. I repented, and confessed them; but my conscience is still not cleared!
    • You must trust that God, your Savior, is the Forgiver of sin. Indeed, we should always put our weaknesses before us so that we won’t have undeserved pride; but  we should not try to remember and be weighed down by the details of the sin. Never doubt the power of Christ’sblood and the work of the Holy Spirit.
    • You need to thank and praise God for forgiving your sins, for the spirit of praise takes away any feeling of distress or doubt in His forgiveness. Repentance is not complete without giving thanks to God, our personal Savior!
  4. I don’t have a true desire to repent; should I wait until I repent then confess?
    • Go see your father of confession and talk with him openly. He will guide you and show you how to start your repentance. Sometimes the enemy makes you doubt your repentance to destroy you with despair. Don’t ever despair, but shout out with the earnest son, “I will arise and go to my father” (Luke 15:18). Cry out to your Heavenly Father from the bottom of your heart. Also, consider the desperation and determination of the sinful woman: Simon, the Pharisee, could not stand to see the sinful woman touch Christ, the Lord, and said, “This Man, if he were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner” (Luke 7:39). But it was the very first time for this woman to find someone to understand her tears, to defend her, and to grant her the most precious desire of her heart, “Your sins are forgiven” (Luke 7:48). But those who sat with Him could not comprehend this Divine love, and they began to say amongst themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?!”
  5. I committed a certain sin and I am too ashamed to confess it to my father of confession; can I confess this sin to another priest that doesn’t know me?
    • It is better for you to experience the spirit of contrition, and to feel that this is an opportunity to speak frankly about your weakness, which God covers with His grace!
    • Don’t be ashamed to talk to your father of confession, for his nature is no different than yours. He, himself, knows that he could fall under a sin that he has never committed before, thus he will be gentle on you. David, the prophet and king, fell under a series of sins – each paving the way to another. But when he repented of them, he wasn’t ashamed to confess them even in his Psalms, which are read by all people and through which we praise God.
    • Keep Judgment Day in mind. Choose to be exposed now so that God will cover up for you then. Your continuous and patient prayers will support you!
    • Despite all this, if you are still unable to go to your father of confession, then go to another priest. He will support you and lift you up by the Spirit of God, so you would be strengthened to return to your father of confession. Then, you will find spiritual rest when talking openly with him.
  6. Can a priest talk about confessions he has heard with other priests?
    • No, under no circumstance is the father of confession allowed to talk about confessions to any man – no matter who he is, or what his priesthood rank should be – even if it was in the confessor’s interest; unless the confessor, himself, allows him to.
  7. I usually forget certain sins; should I write them down so I can recall them during my confession?
    • I believe that this would, to a great extent, cause the confession to lose its spirituality. Confession is about confessing one’s weaknesses and wrongdoings with a heart full of love for God, and not a mere retelling of a certain sin. Thus, if you unintentionally forgot a certain sin, don’t be troubled; for God’s mercies are massive. With all your heart confess that there might have been other sins you have forgotten. But also keep in mind that forgetting is sometimes an indication of carelessness towards the true repentance.
  8. I don’t know what to say during my confession.
    • Care to pray first, so that the Spirit of God would work through you and guide you.
    • Ask your father of confession to help you in your confession, for he is a spiritual healer, who should help the sick person to discover his illness with the Holy Spirit of God that reproves man over his sins.
  9. How can I choose a father of confession?
    • The Church does not appoint you to a specific father of confession; rather every believer is completely free  to choose the priest that he feels comfortable with – no matter where he is. When choosing a priest however, keep in mind that he will be your father, your leader, and your spiritual healer; thus, the Early Fathers advise you not to rush this decision. Wait for the help of Jesus Christ, and you will find the priest that is able to support you. Pray for this.
  10. Why do I need the support of a priest?
    • Priests are the servants of the people, and are longing to make themselves servants unto all; that they might gain the more (1 Corinthians 9:19). All priests also exercise confession themselves, for the Church is not infallible; even the Pope and the bishops exercise confession. To whom do they confess? Well, to their fathers of confession, who might be elderly priests (even those residing in the wilderness); for confession does not mean that the confessor is in a lower rank than his father of confession! The main purpose of the Church is the salvation of every soul through the spirit of repentance in humility and contrition, through a spirit that is full of trust in God’s free grace; that then truly realizes the fatherhood of the Father, the power of the Blood of Christ, and the working of the Holy Spirit in the lives of believers.